In 2015, my husband gave in and said we could try for a third baby. Just about everyone I knew thought I was crazy. I was 38 and already had a 5 and 7 year old. I had the perfect family. The million dollar family. This overwhelming feeling came over me after a pregnancy scare in 2014. All I could think about from then on was how it wasn't so much of a scare as something I really wanted. It was all I could think about. My husband had me wait a year and my feelings never waivered. Not long after we made the decision to start trying I was pregnant. I was overjoyed! I was so worried that being older it would take longer to conceive but it happened instantly. At about 6 weeks pregnant I began to spot. Nothing like this happened with my other two. I went to the hospital a couple of days later hoping for comfort but this was not the case. They tried to stay optimistic reassuring me that a woman could bleed and the pregnancy still be viable but it seemed so hopeless. The month before Christmas was the longest of my life. Normally it feels long because I can't wait for my holidays to start but this time it was the wait and see. Ultra sound after ultra sound and the news kept coming back worse but no one wanted to say to me listen I think you are miscarrying so prepare yourself. I clung to hope and this was exhausting. When the day came that I miscarried naturally, I was happy. I was so tired of waiting and hoping that it felt good knowing it was finally over. I was fortunate that the miscarriage went perfectly. I had bad cramping but within hours everything had been expelled. I stared at the little sac for awhile. Imagined what could have been. I had already cried so much the days leading to this that I had no tears left. My daughter and son both had friends over and my husband was at work so I went on as it happened as though everything was fine. My kids never knew and still don't. Life went on after this. I couldn't wait to start trying again but I had to wait two cycles. Finally, the day came we could start trying again and BOOM I was pregnant right away!! I thought I would be over the moon but terror set in. What if I miscarried again? I was fine for awhile until I was about 4 weeks pregnant. I was sitting watching tv when my underwear felt soaked. I didn't want to look but I mustered up the courage to go to the bathroom. My underwear were full of blood. I thought it's over again. I never bled this much the last time so it seemed impossible that this pregnancy could be viable. I read and read other woman's stories who had been through similar experiences. Some were positive and some were tragic. My heart told me mine was a tragedy. I went to the hospital and the doctor's said all looked good. The ultra sound testing began again but this time the results were different. My little peanut was growing. His heart was pounding away. I continued to bleed off and on for four months. It got to the point that only wore dark underwear and refused to look in the toilet after I wiped. It was my way of surviving. My story was not a tragedy after all. I am now 30 weeks pregnant with a baby boy who we've decided to name Finn. It's not over yet but things are looking good. I am excited and can't wait to meet him. I know so many others who have not been so lucky. Others who have suffered so many miscarriages and desperately just want to have a child of their own. I felt blessed knowing I already had two children. While my loss was still painful at least I still had my two angels. In the end, things have worked out so far. We have other things we need to face but all saves those stories for another day. Please share your stories so we can help others going through such trauma.

The Not So Perfect Mom

I haven't posted in a long time. I got caught up in living my life as we all do and getting through the day to day. I got to thinking after spending some time on Facebook about all the people who have blogs now. That doesn't really bother me but what bothers me is it feels like all these blogs are about how great their lives are and what everyone else needs to do to be like them. I thought to myself I wish these people would just admit that their life is not perfect, they don't know everything, their way is not better than mine and they are NOT perfect. I'm frustrated and the solution would easily be to stop going on Facebook and to stop reading their blogs but I can't. It's a sickness! I freely admit that I am not perfect. I work hard at being the best mom I can be but I fail daily. The one thing I can guarantee though is that at the end of the day my kids know I love them. It's a Wonderful Life is dedicated to all the parents who need to feel like they are not the only ones who are struggling. I'm not going to tell you that I am struggling and then list all the ways I've stopped struggling because that would be a lie. Everyday I come up with some kind of solution to making my life better and everyday I find I'm just too tired to keep up. Here are my stories. Hope you enjoy! After feeling frustrated that my house was messy and not wanting to spend my entire weekend cleaning it all the time, I came up with the most amazing idea. I was going to clean one room a day. Not the first time I had this idea but it was going to work this time. First week was awesonme but by the end of it I was exhausted. It was 9:30pm I had finally finsished making supper, eating supper, homework with the kids, cleaning the kitchen and now when all I wanted to do was lay in bed and watch T.V. I had that damned room to clean. And I did. Everyday that week no matter how late it was I cleaned the room and my house looked fabulous but I was done. I was so tired that now not only have I stopped the room a day seems like I've stopped cleaning all together. My house is a disaster! The worse it gets the more overwhelemed I feel. But guess what my kids know I love them, my husband knows I love him and we are happy. So screw it! I'll get it done. I'm not perfect.

Root Canal

Shortly after my son was born in 2008 I started getting recurring ear infections. Thank goodness he wasn't a big cryer. I had my teeth checked and learned that a filling had broken and I needed a root canal. This could also explain the recurring ear infections. Anyhow, to be safe I was sent to an ENT who prescribed a year's worth of Nasonex and this seemed to clear everything up. Root canals are crazy expensive and I didn't have coverage so since I was no longer in pain I put it off. One thing I have learned is don't put off dental work. Just do it if you can find the means. At 8 months pregnant with my daughter my tooth began to bother me again. I had an infection and finally had to go ahead and have the root canal done. Luckily, by this time we had coverage under my husband's benefits. So I had it done at 8 1/2 months pregnant. I got through it. The pain however never fully went away. People kept telling me that there's took a while to heal as well but it seemed like my ear infections were coming back and I was having to go back on antibiotics again. I had it checked by a specialist and discovered I needed a retreatment. I had a hidden canal. I was tempted at this point to have it pulled. But at 33 I'm not ready to give up on my teeth. I had the retreatment done about 2 weeks ago. I'm hoping this is it. I'm still sore and on antibiotics. I'm annoyed that I'm still sore but I'm hoping this is it. That after this next round of antibiotics I will finally be pain free. Its exhausting. The next step would be surgery and I can't afford to pay for that even with coverage so we'll see if I will have to say goodbye to my tooth or not.

If you ever have any doubts about your teeth, have them checked. I won't make the same mistake twice. My son is two and I've already brought him for a short check-up. Its New Year's eve and I'm talking about teeth...I need a life, ha! ha!

Bumps and Bruises

We just got back yesterday from five days with the family. I love Christmas. There is just something about it even without the gifts. It makes me feel all warm inside. Last Christmas, for reasons I won't get into right now, was a disaster. Family conflict made it into the worse Christmas I ever experienced. We eventually moved passed that and were really looking forward to this year's festivities. My son Wyatt is now 2 1/2 so we expected that while he didn't quite understand Santa it would be great fun watching him unwrap his gifts and eat all the foods he normally isn't allowed. Christmas eve started off well enough. We went to my sister-in-laws and her girls put on a little show for us. We were heading upstairs to eat. I sat my son at the table and went off to get him a plate. In that short amount of time, maybe seconds, he got off the chair where he was and climbed onto another one. Normally, no big deal but there was a staircase behind that one that had no railing. When he got onto that chair, it tilted and he went flying. All I saw was my angel flying out of the chair. It seemed like it was in slow motion. My husband was downstairs and saw him tumble down the stairs. It was absolutely horrifying. I ran down the stairs as fast as I could but it didn't feel fast enough. Those seconds felt like hours. I got down there and my husband was holding him. He was crying but seemed fine. To be safe we brought him to the hospital. By then he was running around like a crazy person getting into trouble. I never thought him getting into everything would feel so good. My mind keeps replaying the event and each time I replay it it gets worse and worse. To be honest, I'm not sure I can even say for sure what happened. I know it couldn't have been as bad as I think it was since he barely had a bruise. You can't help but feel like you are the worse parent in the world after that. Since then, we've heard several stories of nieces and nephews that have fallen and bumped their heads. Stitches and so forth. Its comforting in a way because you realize that you can't protect them 100%. Things are going to happen. I think what this did to us is made it real and forced us for a second to imagine what life would be like had something horrible happened. I don't ever want to live in that world. I'd say that we got lucky but I think my little guy has an angel... We did salvage Christmas after that. My husband had a difficult time enjoying himself but I focused instead on the fact that our son was perfectly fine and I wanted him to have the time of his life celebrating.

Buying a House

Mika is one week old at this point and my parents-in-law come for a visit. My father-in-law happens to notice a house for sale down the street from ours. We'd been renting our house for close to two years. Buying a house was something we had thought of but because of our mountains of debt we never thought we stood a chance at getting approved for a loan large enough to get the house we wanted. We figured we'd hold off until we had a better chance. I don't know what it was about seeing this house but it sparked a fire in my husband. He started looking at houses online day and night. In no time, we had a real estate agent showing us houses. One thing we learned fast was that the pictures you see online are rarely an accurate depiction of the house. What you see on the outside does not give you an accurate idea of what you will find inside. We saw some houses that were beautiful on the outside but then we'd walk in and the house would be falling apart or the opposite. We finally found a house and we were so excited because we had been pre-approved for more than enough to purchase it. We had to act fast because others were interested. So we went home and quickly decided to go ahead. We put our offer in and just made it before an other couple did. Our offer was accepted right away. You would think this would have been the end of what I felt was more stressful than my pregnancy but this was just the beginning. The whole process was taking too long. We had seven days to complete everything but by the seventh day we still needed another week for final approval and then all the documents needed to be approved. It was so frustrating. The computers went down...there was a long weekend in there somewhere that delayed things further...it was a nightmare. Finally, the day came where everything was approved and the house would be ours. Probably one of the most exciting days of my life...

My angel is crying...time to go...

Where did the time go?

When I started this blog in July, I figured I would go a week or two without posting since my little girl was almost ready to come. I didn't think it was going to be months before I would return. Since this blog is new, I don't think anyone missed me...

Life really has changed since my last post. My baby girl Mika was born on August 5 as planned by c-section. Everything went well and she was perfectly healthy at 6lbs 11oz. My two year old son fell in love with her as did the rest of us the instant we laid eyes on her. What a blessing having a baby truly is. Coming home was hard. I was beyond ready to leave the hospital but scared at the same time of having two little people that needed me so much. It took me a couple of weeks to adjust to the fact that I no longer had the time I once had for my son. It broke my heart in the beginning. I was flooded with feelings of guilt. After I'd finish a night feeding, I often found myself in tears thinking of him and how I was going to be too tired to spend quality time with him in the morning. I missed him and just wanted to be able to lay with him and snuggle while we watched Mickey Mouse. As my precious Mika adjusted to life outside of the womb, those feelings passed and we all adjusted to having Mika with us.

Introduction

My name is Danielle. I teach elementary French Second Language and love it! I have a wonderful and loving husband and a beautiful baby boy who is now not such a baby I guess. He is a toddler and won't let me forget it by all the things he does from tantrums to lovings and all the information (good and bad) that he is sponging from the world around him. My husband and I have had a crazy couple of years. We have moved from Temiscaming to Gatineau to Temsicaming to Sudbury where hopefully we are now settled. Within these moves we've spent most of the time apart since I continued to work in Temiscaming while he was working in Sudbury. The school year is now over and I am in my ninth month of pregnancy with a baby girl more than ready to settle here with my family. I have a year to adjust to life with two kids and actually living with my husband and finding a job.